-I need to be more open, forward and engaged with people, especially those I trust.
-I want the things I do to have purpose; they are thoughtless actions otherwise.
-I need to actively think about and practice communicating so it becomes habit.
-I need to actively think about and practice telling the truth and fact-checking so it becomes habit.
-I need to slow down and think before I act.
-I am destroying my facades and being me.
I am not a reacher. I have never been a reacher, or else given up very quickly after dejection. I keep saying that I need to reconnect with people. I've always said that. It's been 2 years since I got back from Japan and I've not attempted to contact my host family once. If the people in your life mean anything to you, you have to show them that. You have to tell them, show them, engage with them. Just as you don't read minds, neither do they. Find things to talk about. Figure out how to keep the conversation going. If it dwindles, try, but don't force it. Try again another time to show dedication. You've been trying to simply say things without giving in to filters and fears. Keep doing that. Not saying anything, whatever the reason, isn't an option. Play up the things you think others don't find exciting. Express your joy in the things you love. Ask about the things you know they've been working toward. Seek people out, don't be sought out. Make it a race, even, if you need a boost to start.
Apparently blocking someone doesn't automatically unfriend them on Facebook. Not knowledge I think will ever be relevant to me, but still good to know. The unblocking also brought up the question of my opinions on blocking people. I don't like to unless it's something that absolutely needs done. Partially for the reason of giving the other person the chance to question why our friendship has faltered. Partially because I see it as a shut door - and if you're just going to keep opening and closing it, it loses value. I would rather simply avoid someone than block them out completely if it's not a super-major-huge offense because blocking sends that message of finality. And even if other people don't see it that way, I do, and that's how I'll continue to operate with it.
Tomorrow:
-1-2 hours Hungarian
-First attempt at nalbinding?
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