Blue Book 10

[observations omitted for later analysis, specifically because I don't want feedback on them yet]

The ring wasn't presented specifically to get him back, but to show where I was, a physical example that I really hadn't been thinking and that there was no intended malice in my actions.

I would rather have a friend and a consultant than nothing at all - and it was so much of a weight off my mind knowing where we stand.  I have a habit of going into full lockdown, expecting the worst in situations like this, and the interactions I was having conflicted with that.

What are the things that have happened in and shaped my life?  What would I tell someone who wanted to know my story?

How can I encourage my brain to process faster to engage more as things happen?

I need to do an analysis of myself like I am for him - now.  And in six months to a year, do another.  Ask people their impressions and understandings.

In what ways have I let myself down?  How can I prevent doing so again in the future?  What are my morals/ethics/code/etc. that I need to remember and adhere to?

Why do I like me as a person?  Why would I be friends with me?  What makes it difficult to decide if I want to be friends with me?

I'm mostly logical and somewhat closed-minded.  I need to add some amount of street smarts to my acquired book smarts to balance that and open myself up again.

-I am becoming a better person.
-I need to stop and think before I act.
-I need to destroy my facades and just be me.
-I need to actively think about and practice telling the truth so it breaks my habits.
-I need to actively think about and practice communicating to it becomes habit.
-I want the things I do to have a purpose.  They are thoughtless actions otherwise.

If you don't want to do something, just say so.  It might hurt someone's feelings, but it would hurt them more to have false feedback.  If you don't want to do something, don't do it.  Likewise, if you want to do something, just say it.  Don't assume the other person doesn't want to do it or that it isn't an option.

Stop giving in to hindsight.  It's 20/20, but it's doing very little for you right now.

My dominant sense is sound, likely followed by smell.  I feel things with my gut, but more often, I actually hear something, or my body's reaction to something is to listen.  When I feel something is off, I feel it through my ears.  What does this say about me?

My back flared up after the Friday meeting, very intensely, very quickly, and then it was gone.  I haven't had an issue since.  My knees and shins were also acting up prior and have also been fine since.
-Connection: The first time my back went out was my first week of college, after parting ways with my parents.  Pay attention to how it reacts while mending the wound.

I put a lot of belief in the power of jinxes, karma, etc.  It doesn't make a lot of sense, but it feels right.  Listen to that before committing to saying or doing things.

Actively find ways to participate, engage and get involved in social situations.  Try to be more extroverted and find the method that works for you.  Make an effort to show or express opinions and emotions.

Be a friend.  Be honest with people.  Tell them the things they need to hear, not necessarily what they want to hear.  It's difficult and not appreciated most of the time, but the people really worth being around will come around and accept that truth.

Allow yourself to forget the painful things, but only after you've dealt with them.