Blue Book 12

Based on the last couple days, I am at the point I need to start seeking time with others to further stimulate my mind and hence this process.  I'm slowing down on my own.  That friend analysis and the me analysis are more important than ever now.

-I am becoming a better person.
-I need to slow down and think before I act.
-I need to actively think about and practice telling the truth so it breaks my habits.
-I need to actively think about and practice communicating so it becomes habit.
-I want the things I do to have purpose.  They are thoughtless actions otherwise.
-I need to destroy my facades and just be me.

[This next bit isn't something I want to post, but it's something I need to post.  If I don't, I'll just bury it again and not make any progress.  And that's not an option.  It's bizarre how hard the small things hit, how much they're capable of dislodging.]

And that shows exactly how much you distance yourself emotionally.  It's been two weeks and it's finally sunk in.  It's been two weeks and this is pain - it was desperation before.  It's been two weeks and now is when you can't stop crying?
-Those facades are coming down, alright, and bringing the walls down with them.
-It's not healthy to be so distant.  It's not fair to you or to others to bury these things so deep.
-You really, really need to work at being more open, at not keeping your cards right up against your chest.  Or things like this are bound to continue happening regardless of what else you change.
-If you succeed in this process, this will be the one thing you regret most of the things you've done.  If you don't succeed, it will be one of a long chain of similar regrets.  There isn't much to think about there.  You need to fix yourself.

Tomorrow:
-Finalize analysis
-Start own analysis
-Grad present thank-yous
-Invites for Hachigoku
-Post character for Hachigoku
-One cthulhu