-You've become bitter and jaded. You've allowed others' pessimism and negativity to overtake your optimism and hope. Neither belief set is completely right, but you have to stick to the one that works for you.
-You've allowed grudges to take root. Most are for insignificant, petty or past-due offenses - even others' own resentments rather than your own. Let go of them. Don't be burdened by them.
-By all means, keep being a jack of all trades, but do work also on becoming a master of at least one. Have the strength to commit to something - all the way. Don't half-ass it. Don't run and don't let go.
-New things and experiences are wonderful, but don't let them prevent you from returning to others that affected and shaped you. Make a list of these things and revisit them.
-I want to be a better person.
-I need to slow down and think before I act.
-I need to actively think about and practice communication so it becomes habit.
-I want the things I do to have a purpose. They are thoughtless actions otherwise.
-I want to destroy the facades I built and hid behind and just be me.
-I need to actively practice telling the truth in different situations so it becomes habit.
What are my habits and activities?
-Nox-nixxed
-Game-pending
-reading
-crocheting
-watching Person of Interest, Elementary, HIMYM and MLP:FiM
For the future:
-exercising (track, biking, walking, just getting out)
-sunning (like dad, but without the sandal tan)
-early rising
-researching and working toward new skills
...I need more creation. These are all very passive and non-interactive.
-Consider how you feel asking people questions. Why are you most afraid to ask the ones pertaining to you/your happiness? Get past that and ask. Don't drag things out worrying and wondering.
-I am almost completely, 100% oblivious to everything that isn't blatantly stated or otherwise put out there, and to a handful of things that are. That isn't conducive to living well and minding others and it's not an excuse for anything I get myself into.
-I stopped caring what people thought about me but took it too far in some cases and not enough in others. I do care what others think about me, especially if it's going to affect more than myself. I need to figure out what's worth caring about and what I can dismiss.
-You lied today, about having tried something to fix your laptop when you hadn't. Why? To end the conversation faster? That's stupid. People are less likely to continue if they've found something for you to try. There was absolutely no point to that. It was said without thought. This is what you need to stop. This is the habit that needs breaking.
-There's a lesson on sticking to your goals. If you'd gone over at 11 a.m. like you decided you would, you would have gotten free yarn. An hour later, you get nothing. But you made the conscious decision to do other errands first along the way, so you planned at least. It's not all bad.
-I've volunteered to watch Nenya if her parents find themselves in need of a sitter. This I saw when I first got back home in January and just volunteered for it Friday.
-One of the things that's kept me from falling as fast as I think I would have is working with the kids during the summer. I had great role models when I was a participant. I want to continue to be one. Kids are the easiest reminder that someone is relying on you - you can't ignore them, you can't put them off until later. You have to figure them out and help them now. As adults, we don't tend to do that with each other unless it's absolutely necessary. And that's not saying that I'm putting myself out there for my own benefit, just that I know how I am in those situations and it's better. It's a win-win.
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