Blue Book 2

-Write apologies to the people you have hurt.  Be honest, be humble.  You don't have to send all of them, but you must write them.

-Whoever decided self-confidence is the best thing ever was a moron.  Confidence is part of why this happened.  It doesn't come with a rulebook, SO MAKE ONE YOURSELF.

-I want to be a better person.
-I need to slow down and think before I act.
-I need to communicate.  I need to actively think about and practice communication so it becomes habit.
-I want the things I do to have a purpose.  They are thoughtless actions otherwise.
-I want to destroy the facades I've built and hidden behind.

-When I am cornered, I bend the truth and lie to lessen or avoid the damage.  Not anymore.

Fix-It List:
-Meeting
-Destroying photographs, getting written/signed agreement that all photos will never see the light of day, providing money for wasted materials
-Removal from my life:
-x-delete phone number
-x-delete email address (which I didn't know I had until I went through my address book to compose a list of friends)
-/-blocking on social networks (G+ done; FB outstanding for negotiations)
-x-stop going to Nox/KoC in general
--negotiate terms of both parties continuing to attend game with minimal to no interaction (alternating weeks or avoiding contact)

-Checking in and updating is going to become a crutch.  I will make a blog to make my thoughts and actions available without actively seeking out guidance in this process.  It's something I have to do.

-I need to start the process of mending the wound that triggered these behaviors.
--talk to mom about it
--talk to dad about it
--recall everything about the event, seek and give apologies and move forward as a family
--consider options for outside help if this doesn't work on my own

-I told someone more than a year ago that they were full of talk, that they needed to start walking.  Thinking doesn't feel a lot like walking in that sense, but for the purpose of figuring myself out, it is the walking.  Thinking and fixing.